Saturday, March 17, 2007

300

Bitch, please.


'Come to the dark side. We have shiny.'



Perverse as it may be to spend a precious couple of free hours on a business trip in a foreign land before an iMax screen, surely to do this for '300' can only match the levels of insane contrariness assumed by, say, a bunch of buff dudes out to kill all the Persians in the world ever. NB: I am perverse. But oh my goodness, if I could manage to explain to you how very very bad 300 is, I might be proud of my descriptive abilities. I'm not. I can't. The words, they are lost.

What is awesome about this film? Nothing. What do you gain from two hours of watching a film that looks exactly like a CGI animation even though most of it is live action? Nothing. What in hell is up with all those leather speedos? See above.

I could go on. I could try and nail all the mind-bogglingly racist, sexist and ablist underpinnings - if something so frothy could be said to have those at all - of it. I could try and type up a statement about art imitating art, or about why it's immensely cheesing off to have to be dragged through yet another film about ancient Greece that so thoroughly fails to recognize that it was a different civilisation from the one that we live in, and that whatever common qualities have defined humanity since the dawn of time, humanism is not one of them (write it 300 times in your notebook and get it signed by teacher in the morning). This would just break the pointlessness scale. Let me just say that I have never laughed THIS HARD at a film in my life. Really, for the first time ever someone had to turn around and hush us up. "My heart is filled with hate." "...okay!"

Like cholera, it is a shame to think that 300 exists in a world that could so easily have prevented it.

(Caveat: I have no clue about this Frank Miller guy. But Thermopylae is one of the only stories of macho do-or-die heroics from the classical era that I can stand. well, not for a while yet, now.)

--

America very large. Tap water safe to drink. Wish you were here. Bai, R.

18 comments:

  1. I'm going to watch this tomorrow! :O

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  2. anonymouse10:56 pm

    Bombay very crowded. Tap water still safe to drink. Wish you were here. Bai, anonymouse

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Thank you for not jerking off about 300. I was beginning to think I was the only one who didn't like the movie.

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  5. Frank Miller - he who defined the term 'graphic novel' (modern-day lingo for comic book).
    Best known for writing and drawing the classic 1986 'Batman: The Dark Knight Returns', which basically resurrected that series.
    Also was the artist for Sin City, plus numerous other strips.
    And this film was based almost exactly on a 5-part comic book series, also called '300', which he wrote and designed.

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  6. I remember a fairly prominent Caveat emptor at the beginning of the movie: Based on a Graphic Novel by Frank Miller. If you've read the series, you'd know the movie was very honest to it.

    Enough said.

    ./w

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  7. Till the interval i thought it was a spoof on Gladiator,LOTR,Star wars,Foz news,Sin city and Braveheart and it turned out to be good fun.And then someone decided to spoil it all for me.Did you do a spartan count?

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  8. Of course, there was also 'The 300 Spartans' - early 60s film - all bronzed warriors and platitudes a-spouting. Part of Hollywood's whole 'lets-glamourise-brutal-human-history' series - a la Spartacus, El Cid, etc.

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  9. @ kate: and what did you think? o.O

    @ anonymouse: Back in Hyd. Tell that to mum. <3!

    @ uffish: I know a significant portion of the public who laughed their guts out at it/were thoroughly disgusted by it. Getting out more = one of th significant duties of adult life?

    @ ??!: Golly, I never thought of using Wikipedia! :O

    @ ./w: a- I have not read the series, as I stated.
    b- Being honest to the source does not in itself save an attempt at art from being a gigantic piece of crap, sometimes, don't you think.

    @ pratz: Hi, luff! How are you? I see you enjoyed the film as much as I did. And no, I didn't do a Spartan count. I was too busy being mesmerised by the cheek piercings of the king of kings.

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  10. Im good.I lost count midway and been looking for someone to give me exact figures.
    Btw,Whats your opinion on "spartan women give birth to real men" brand of feminism?

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  11. anonymouse1:38 pm

    Will do, not that I have successfully relocated to BOM.

    Life is now unsucking.

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  12. * gasp * You luckful joyous mouse!

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  13. "spartan women give birth to real men" brand of feminism

    It is a frabjous day if that abject silliness is ever considered feminist. I think I do know a couple of people who admired the 'strong woman.' I thought she was as funny as the rest of them.

    It's too bad that the only really smoking hot guy turned out to be an evil scheming rapist. Apparently being practical and political condemns you forever to perving on other people's wives and corruption. Comic books, el oh el.

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  14. Frank Miller is a comic book artist who has a cult following. His brand of storytelling (per my reading of it anyway), is more style, less substance. This is very true about his 300, on which the movie is based and is very true to it - which means almost all scenes are practically lifted from the comic.

    I havent seen the movie and probably wont, but the comic is a breath-taking piece of art. Bold colors, fantastic use of shading and viewing angles, although these characteristics are staples of the best comics or graphic novels, in 300 these are pushed to a spell-binding level. The story is no great shakes, and a bit fantastic as all legends are. But dont let the story or the movie, deter you from checking out Miller's comic which, just for its art, is one of the best.

    And if anyone reading this without rolling their eyes is interested in reading a graphic novel that combines great, great art with a fantastic story - please read Alan Moore's Watchmen. You will never see comics the same again. Check out the review on my page - http://thekingslayersroom.blogspot.com/2007/02/alan-moores-classic-watchmen.html

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  15. Sounds like many others found the movie not so entertaining also.

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  16. Anonymous8:31 am

    "spartan women give birth to real men"

    As I was told it comes from Herodotus on whose text comic series was based - directly or through another source. There were a few other direct quotations from Herodotus and Plutarch. It doesn't change a fact that it wasn't historical movie, but a fantasy comic adaptation.

    Sirielle

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  17. Lovely, firsht person to meet who hate 300! :D Presonally being a pulp fiction fan, I louwed film except for the Gladiator-esque and Troy-esque moments for which I hated the director, Loved the blood, good particle dynamics, must say. I hated Xerxes' make up, the plasticine where the rings were "stuck" was visible, making it ugly, why the heck have a closeup of something that you know will fall apart? Nice films, I don't mind CGI stuff :D I know quite anti-film but so was Sin City, so was Sin City :) I guess, the Frank Miller guy (who draws quite well and writes bad dialogue) makes it a precondition after the Robocop disaster.

    Don't ask me how I landed here... strange things happen.

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  18. how about apocalyto?? gore was the same. No cgi. no historical feel! no "Frank Miller" as well.

    I feel 300 stands for all Frank Miller works to the fullest extent! Watch "sin city". I guess it should be watched only that perspective. Adding the Thermophyle historical importance to the Gruel graphic Display was just all in the Fray. Machoism, Feminism are two sides of the same coin. Both are equally bad. But then u can see Frank p it successfully in his movies such as this one and Sin City.

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