Friday, October 27, 2006

project objectify: making zlats out of sportsmen since 2006

eta: *MOPES*

How screwed up is it to make a Project Objectify post about a player for a team you will never admit you don't hate don't care for scant hours before he goes up against a team you love in one of Europe's biggest derbies? Pretty screwed up, right? But this is the thing about Zlatan Ibrahimović. He makes screwed up enormously successful. And graceful. And creepy. And hilarious. And scary, did I forget to mention scary?

"There's only one Zlatan."
"Are you sure?""
"Yeah, I am. You know Zlatan?"
"I know Zlatan. Sometimes I think he has a twin; his behaviour is so different today than it was last Wednesday."
"How you know Zlatan? This is only the fourth time you meet him."

(And third-person self-reference was never the same. Except when bloggers did it, in which case it remained annoying as ever.)

How can the same brain that has objectified the dignified Paolo Maldini have a corner in its sick dark winding alleyways for Zlatan? Perhaps it has to do with the fact that Maldini is a lone breed. Italy is full of mean, ambitious footballers stuffed with talent and tactical abilities. Zlatan has provoked, challenged, and broken brains with the best of them. He's been described as "half-gangster, half-ballerina." He's gone on record about someone on an opposing team to say, "What he can do with a football, I can do with an orange."

He's fun. And he's playing across from Hernán Crespo these days. And Milan's defence is not what it used to be back in the day. Of course, back in the day Zlatan made Alessandro Nesta's nose bleed or something.


  1. Two thoughts:

    1) Now make a Project Objectify post about Pippo 'face-like-a-smacked-arse' Inzaghi. I dare ya.

    2) I think in manga convention, 'nosebleed' is shorthand for 'erection'. Whistle.

  2. *cries with laughter* Oh, MANGA.

    As for 1), I will. When he scores. Which means? I probably won't. :(

  3. Anonymous8:46 pm

    Nice blog..!

  4. muahahahaz.....
    you know for some reason he reminds me of Goran Ivanisevic. I really dont know why. Maybe because the year he won Wimbledon everyone kept talkin about which Goran would come out to play. You know there were three. Good Goran, Bad Goran, Crazy Goran.
    Tennis aint what it used to be.

  5. He is creepy, isn't he? I don't like him. Maybe because he scored against Milan. Jerk.

  6. @ mallu films: thengyoo. :)

    @ aishwarya: zlatan always evokes that reaction in people. you know zlatan?

    @ szerelem: Hahah. Goran himself made the comment about the three Gorans, didn't he? I remember sympathising with the man in a more innocent time. However for a long time what little love I had for tennis was centred around the obvious and boring choice of Peter Sampras. I miss those days.

    @ tpf: Contrary to all reason, I adore Ibra. And Hernan Crespo. Both of whom scored on Saturday. Much grief about the match, though. I can't believe Milan fought back the way they did, too. As a one-time fangirl of Indian cricket I can still be amazed me when teams I love pull a comeback effort.