Tuesday, August 22, 2006

i demand a divorce

Because the universe owes me one. A small unobtrusive one will do. Please not a big fat sparkly one that imagines it's bringing back into fashion things that went out of fashion in the first place not because of the cyclical nature of socio-cultural trends but because the human race as a whole decided that they were WRONG. EVIL. BAD. BABY-KILLERS. Like pastel-coloured translucent saris encrusted with fake diamonds. Tight perms. Embroidered jackets. American soccer.

Then again, I hear it is very easy to get divorces in Manhattan. Perhaps the universe and I should meet there in colour-coordinated jackets and high heels. We've tried, the 'verse and I, to do everything: farce, anti-romance, the ol' lusars-in-love thing, making out in the rain, seeing other, cooler, better-adjusted people. Unfortunately we have managed to make every single one of these endlessly exciting tropes fall flat on their faces.

Seriously, have you people seen all the emo glossy-eyelidded tears coming out of that KANK-thing? I know how it feels. I watched it last night. Nnggh. No horrified fascination, no healthy self-congratulatory disgust at the ostentation of it all, no confident dismissal of it's removal from reality per the usual reactions evoked by K-Jo fare. The indescribable sound of nnggh is the only reaction I feel capable of. I would claw my face, but watching that film sapped me of the energy required for a properly dramatic reaction. You always hear about these films that people say sap their will to live, but you never actually think you're going to come across one, until one day. Nnggh.

As for the infidelity, modern marriage, bold step forward blah-di-blah, I'm not getting started. It's not new to Bollywood. It's not even new to the candyfloss Cho-Jo genre of moviemaking. It's like a logical extension of the howling emptiness of pre-pubescent NSync-loving angst. And it's just as annoying. (Not that I should be complaining about pre-pubescence, since I live there a lot of the time, but, hello, no NRIs were harmed in the making of this blog. Not unintentionally.)

And to think it could have been so much more by just not existing.

"Freezing my kit off in the New York rain shedding emo tears in ugly clothes can't be worse than watching this film...oh, wait."


  1. :D

    kinda makes me feel thankful abt the fact that I'll miss all possible chance of catching a movie thanks to my job :)

  2. I still haven't seen Omkara

  3. ah damn, that I rather hoped to see.. :-<

  4. muahahahaz....so you did see it!!
    its so ridiculously LONG its a literal pain in the ass. I actually think it could have been half decent if KJo had actually treated the subject matter with a bit of seriousness.
    The movie just decends into such triteness its not funny.And did anyone find the SRK-son track totally jarring??
    Liked both AB's though.

  5. Anonymous4:49 pm

    tee hee..nice one soupy

  6. @ kray: you wait, it'll spring on you unsuspectingly one day. they always do. don't laugh too soon!

    @ imhunt: oh my god. please do yourself a favour and go watch it?

    @ szerelem: i think abhishek bachchan had a nice-ish role, and he was good, the dear boy. very easy to like. on the other hand, i can only thank god that they picked amitabh for his role, since it was creepy, sexist in the extreme, as well as unhygenic - HELLO, even old people can get STDs! - and i can't imagine who else would have managed to pull it off with even the little speckle of dignity that he did.

    @ dosh: thank you darling. consider yourself warned.

  7. tsk tsk....STDs dont exist in K.Jo movies - only brain tumor, cancer and heart ailments. And everything is peaches and pastels because even in the middle of show downs and marital discord people have to look at their swarovski sparkling best.

  8. Heh, well said. I'm really glad K-Jo isn't making gay romances, because you know he'd ride the AIDS pony all around the park and it would be disgusting and offensive in ways sob stories about heart ailments cannot be.

  9. I nearly got dragged to KANK in Bangalore a fortnight back *shudder* I haven't seen Omkara either....yet. Sheer laziness, that is.

    P.S. Ole kray, fancy meeting you here!

  10. @ lksdy: huh? this blog is linked on mine :|

  11. I know, kray baby....just was thinking, it's a small world, innit....