Friday, July 07, 2006

this blog is not about cristiano ronaldo. in fact, it's not even about soccer.

There is no subtext here. Not talking about it. Not one bit. Soccer is totally on the backburner. I have a life outside of ESPN. Plus, I don't really watch sport. Competitive physical activity degrades the life of the mind.

Instead, we shall turn to one of this blog's favourite subjects, Johnny Depp, and talk about him with spirit and verve for much of this post. I watched 'Finding Neverland' for the fourth time on Wednesday, and discovered that there does in fact exist a film that answers the age-old meme question, "Name one film that never fails to make you cry." And I don't mean that in a bad way. It may have its flaws, but watching Kate Winslet walk into Neverland, right after the wee old lady meeting Johnny on opening night says, "My husband would have loved it - he was just a boy, really ..." turns on the waterworks every time.

Hollywood is disgusting, ohmigod. * moans feebly * Die, emotional manipulation.

We shall also mention in passing 'Shrek 2' which I watched for the first time immediately after 'Neverland'. The Shrek films have charmed me with their ingenious and incredibly tasteful soundtracks. Frou Frou's cover of 'Holding Out For A Hero', viz. the title song. Sheer genius. Immi Heap is eminently worthy of worship.

Er. Right.

Going to work now.

Going to eat lunch.

Going to drink orange juice.

Not talking about soccer.

Still not talking about soccer.

Okay! Really not talking about soccer! Talking about hot men instead. Who happen to play soccer. Primary purpose of post = not soccer. Triumph of logic, really. Examining notions of beauty = perfect occupation in the life of the mind.

A conversation ensued lately between myself and Wikisharma, who has lately unleashed his fearsome skillz and deadly WMDs on the blogosphere. I quote here:

me: paolo maldini is the reason i began supporting italian football
WS: you know that i cannot share your enthusiasm right?
me:: i'm unable to understand how you can't
his hotness breaks boundaries of cultural and sexual preference
he's just ... guh.
WS: have u seen raging bull?
me:: no i havent.
WS: okay, so there is a scene in the movie
WS: in which his wife says that his boxing opponent is cute
me:: okay.
WS: this drives an already paranoid man mad
so when they face each other in the boxing ring
he breaks his nose
and beats him with vengeance..
when the bell rings, the commentator says..
"He aint gonna be pretty no more"
me:: eek.
WS: so my point is. all the pretty boys are more likely to get a beating than anything else
me:: yes, but from whom?
who is going to beat the pretty boys? more pretty boys?
the delectable pouty henry?
WS: no the ugly ones
me:: zinedine 'ralph-fiennes-possesses-me' zidane?
pish, robert de niro is NOT ugly
he's very attractive
WS: no, but i do know that ronaldo is itchin for a beatin
C. Ronaldo is the most hated character in the WC so far
me:: see, he's getting himself into trouble because he's an obnoxious prick
me:: not because he's pretty
WS: he's not pretty
me:: no one hates him because he's beautiful.

And that is seriously that. At the risk of being accused of - many things, I have to say that I have never known the general population of my acquaintance to vote someone as so hot, so unanimously. It is outside my sphere of experience. I quote another conversation at work with my flatmate last afternoon.

me: by the way, cwistiano? turns out to be football's most hated player
everyone seems to think he fouled his way to victory
flatmate: WHY???
in what way?
me: well, you know how they dive and pretend to be hurt so that the ref will award them points?
cwistiano is a MASTER
at that.
flatmate: he is lovely
he can do what he wants.
flatmate: no court of law will stop him.
me: there is only one court, and it is the court of pretty.

He's cute, he's a brat, he's a billionaire born in frickin' 1985. Does all this account for something in the legacy of ickle Cwistiano Wonaldo? Why do more people not cheer for, say, Camoranesi? Is there something like a landslide victory in the gorgeous stakes here?

Profound questions, no doubt deserving every bit of the twenty-four hours or so before Cwistiano goes on field again. And then, Sunday night. Mmm. But more on that later.

current musix: imogen heap: goodnight and go. "why d'you have to be so cute?/it's impossible to ignore you ..."

hahaha. close, immi, real close.


  1. OMG...u are scaring me!!...similar likes,dislikes...posts abt Ronaldo?!!
    trying to not post abt soccer??!!
    (i actually suceeded at that tho =P)
    cannot bring myself to like C.Ronaldo tho....hes a frigging poser and cry baby...hmpff

  2. Ronaldo is hated and loved for the same reason..He is arrogant!!!!!!

  3. I wait to see C.Ronaldo cry. Then I mock him.

  4. As Eminem would say- "Alright children calm down, calm down"

  5. Wikisharma sounds like Vishwakarma. the architect.

    Footer players are hot. Do agree. Despite my gender and orientation.

  6. @ szerelem: Hehe, someone needs to tell Cwistiano melodrama oviously doesn't allow you to worm into the good graces of *everyone*.

    @ mathew: It all becomes clearer. :)

    @ aisha: Q: Are we shallow? A: As puddles. (Remember the truths about booty.)

    @ imhunt: Y'know what's funny? That EMINEM said that.

    @ unratiosenatic: You need to ask him about his architectural inclinations, as I'm afraid I know nothing of them.

    And I'm so glad someone thinks this hotness is the basis for a productive and fruitful conversation.

  7. i am gutted....totally....
    i dont know how to react to what happened in the match yesterday...
    congrats to the Italians though.

  8. I'm so sorry. Victory's not all that sweet after what happened, really.