It's a crazy world for as long as you're connected to the Internets. Come Friday evening, you shut down your system, wend your way resolutely home, and spend the next twenty-four hours in bed, alternately sleeping and devouring A Game of Thrones.
You order jeera rice and dal fry from the local shady restaurant, and then supplement the meal with a double cheese pizza. You lower ten-rupee notes on a piece of string from the balcony to the chai-lady down on the footpath at intervals, in order to have strong, sweet, fragrant tea sent up to make being awake worthwhile.
You have long, lazy baths, childishly delighted with the expensive shower gels and shampoos you're usually too rushed to use on weekdays. You wear your favourite frayed khakis, take the imaginary dog out for a walk down the leafy lanes of the park nearby.
You have long, heartfelt conversations about spirituality and society and hot office gossip with the flatmates. You commune with the hidden self that refuses to do time with the rest of you on the capitalist payroll.
You plot your great novel. You spend hours lost within the dense, complex beauty of the first movement of Beethoven's Sixth.
You go shopping at FabIndia. You go shopping at the British Library's sale of withdrawn books. You walk in triumph to the swank new theatre to watch the swank new Hindi film everyone's been talking about.
You sleep some more.
And then, by the time Monday arrives, you're climbing the walls out of sheer desperation, because you are a WEB JUNKIE, and all the world's pleasures come to nothing when compared to a GOOD HARD SURF on a gleaming flat screen and hi-speed connection.
And the Internets, caressing your fevered mind with the touch of an indulgent mother, will open its arms to you. Because you have MORE THAN BLOOD running in your veins. You are an ELECTRIC ADVENTURER, soldiering your way through forests and deserts of webspace. You have SUPPED on the MILK of virtual freedom. You have BANDWIDTH FOR BONES. And a GOOGLE SEARCH BAR for a BRAIN. You are possibly even a LOSER, but one of the kind that is past caring about it's LOSERLINESS, utterly BEYOND REDEMPTION.
Until then, homies. Keep the web safe, wot.
---> aaand a belated happy birthday to Vikram! May the sour apple martinis flow and nubile young beauties dance attendance upon your every whim. Or, you know, have another fantastic year of lounging about and reading big fat books that no one else understands, because geeking over history is as good as love. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.