Thursday, February 16, 2006

dudes abide.

'Superhero.' Such an American word. The Japanese have their samurai, the Russians their heroic Marxist leaders (as well as peasants who die tragically in , the British have Rowan Atkinson. We have Bollywood and folklore.

Ha. SUCKERS. Bollywood and folklore may play their part in our imagination, but from such fertile ground rises a lone breed of warrior! All the su/her0 are belong to us! We p3wn comixx action out here! And other such gloriously expressive little gaming malapropisms. Trust me on this one. I don't like superheroes unless they're very very sexy, like Hugh 'Wolverine' Grant* in X-Men, but it turns out that I needed them all along, like everyone else. I just needed them more firmly rooted in my own cultural context.


I was directed to Raj Comics, the virtual residence of some life-altering heroic figures by Imhunt last evening. I ... have been dazed, to say the least. Some of my friends on Google Talk, to whom I have passed on the link, have been less lucky as they are, in their own words, "dying" at the sight of our homegrown Incredibles. Well. It takes strength to face the lady of the Golden Wo.. meaning, the protectors of the world of Raj Comics.

For example, I met ANTHONY, the hardcore super, a DEAD MEN WHO ARISE TO AVENGE WRONG DOERS:



Late Anthony Gonsalvez: A young music enthusiast who invented an original he called "Crownmusic"was tortured to death by his own rivals to steal his music. He is fondly remembered by his wife Julia and daughter Maria.


CROWNMUSIC. My drug of choice! I knew that "Crownmusic is my boyfriend" tee had appeared mysteriously in my cupboard last year for a reason. the DEAD MAN WALKING was sending me a message, of course.

I have not failed to notice that 92 kgs. is Anthony's DEADweight.

And you thought Bandra boys were just good for singing you old Jim Reeves numbers and breathing "men" into your ear in the throes of passion.

Almost as good is NAGRAJ, the MAN-O-SNAKE:




Millions of snakes resides in him in micro-form making him a dynamo of snakes powers. He reels snakes or snake-ropes called nag rope out of his wrists for various purpose. His eyes hypnotize, his poison breath sears and his bite kills.


And he has a brilliant alter-ego cover:

Public relations officer of BHARTI communications. Timid Snakes frighten him to death. Single Wears spectacles.


Cult classic? I should think so! Who will save us from the cultural oppression of the red-blooded white American superhero? Not Japanese anime, comrades, not Japanese anime. It is NAGRAJ, scourge of terrorism in our country.

I should have a special fondness for DOGA, the - would you have guessed it - dog-man:



since he protects my home city.


This towering dog face stalks the Mumbai nightshunting criminals and evil doers to do them to death. He is extremely violent and ruthless. e talks little His guns do the talking . He pooh-poohs law. He is law in himself. He has a bleeding heart for poor and unfortunate.


Even when I believed Ram Gopal Varma did not have a spark of originality in his body, I did not expect him to be heinous enough to transpose the noble character of DOGA upon his two-bit anti-heroes.

Still, much as my my heart bleeds for DOGA himself, I must say he remains eclipsed, for me, by the lone woman that hunts among this noble pack. Her name, friends, is SHAKTI.





She is a raging desire to get justice for women in this man's world. whenever a woman anywhere on this world cries for help in distress the vibes turn an ordinary woman Chanda into Shakti.


The poor honey must be getting overworked, a bit. Still, who am I to pity SHAKTI?


She turn into light form and streaks at the speed of light. the incredible amount of energy in her when released melts all metals and instantly moulds into shapes and designs as projected by Shakti's mind .


I can only worship at her altar. I love me a girl who beats her frying pans into incredible amounts of energy.


The interesting thing about SHAKTI's alterego is that she's a really hot woman, which is what gets her into trouble in the first place. Unlike her terrorism fighting, patriotic hero brothers, our hera converted to superism when, to quote her bio, "discovers a horrible fact that her husband had been killing her girl offspring." I don't know why I'd kill any girl offspring of a woman as lovely as the ORDINARY HOUSEWIFE Chanda. She has turned me into a blockquote-whore.


Chanda keeps herself busy in hospital and social works. The only tell tale sign of this phenomenon is eye mark on ordinary chanda's fore ford which she keeps well covered with a hear band pretending permanent migraine.


And the pervy boys and girls reading this all thought the costume had no meaning. Patriarchy-fed scum.

Do visit Raj Comics and acquaint yourself with these and other members of the Raj Superfamily, such as SUPER COMMANDODHRUVA (the young and brilliant orphan), BHERIA (the fox-man with a sympathetic fox-self that feels pain when he does!) and PARMANU, the atomic man of India. Who's YOUR favourite?

A word of caution. I do not think ANTHONY will appreciate having jokes of the "Were you the original writer of 'My Name is Anthony Gonsalves'?" sort directed at him. Beware; his crow PRINCE may just PLUCK YOUR EYES OUT.




You'd be much better off discussing such things with an older model.

---

* As Kray pointed out, I meant Jackman all along. But Hugh Grant as Wolverine is almost as funny as TIRANGA, the flag-man.

11 comments:

  1. Great find! Died laughing.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Woooooowwwww!!!! Hugh Grant ???????? Jackman!!! That was Hugh Jackman!!!

    =)) trying to imagine Hugh Grant playing Wolverine =)))))

    ReplyDelete
  3. Personally I think super commando dhruva should have gotten a post of his own. I mean the dude drives around in a flying star! Chicks dig the flying star and his crazy kung fu acrobatics! Plus he kicked this ninja's ass one time when the ninja cut his motorbike into half.
    Spiderman India would totally get owned by any of these low rent superheroes.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Don't tell me you've actually not read Dhruva/Nagraj!? And then there's the whole Diamond Comics fiasco, Chacha Choudhary/Pinki/Billu etc.

    Grand Master Robo apni AK-47 se tabad-tod fire karne laga. Goliyon ki aawaaz se poora ilaaka goonj utha. Dhruva ka shareer hawa mein lahra gaya, aur ek bhi goli use chhoo na saki.

    Used to borrow these from some shady liby in some corner of my shady town for what, 2 Rs. per day? The English ones are even tackier! A whole new art form, it is.

    ReplyDelete
  5. abey Chanda is too maaaaaaaaaaach :DDDDD!!!!

    No wonder my parents never let me get hold of this comic strip as a kid :D

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sabu, Chacha Choudhary,Phantom, Mandrake ??

    ReplyDelete
  7. "Sabu, Chacha Choudhary,Phantom, Mandrake ??" How can he put Phantom in the same league as these guys. *give dejected kick about to grass*

    ReplyDelete
  8. That was a superpost.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Raj Comics Rules!
    Im glad you paid tribute to Supremo at the end. I actually owned a copy as a kid!
    The Gotham Comics site claims Supremo was penned by Gulzar!
    Here s the link: http://www.gothamcomics.com/html/News.asp

    ReplyDelete
  10. @ kate: I hope you went and explored further.

    @ kray: *rofl* I stand corrected, as you might see from the blog. Thanks.

    @ anang: My point precisely. Desi superheroes rule their worlds, and mine.

    @ prateek: Unfortunately I haven't read Dhruva/Nagraj, together or apart. But I have read a fair bit of CC. Still remember and love the 'When Sabu get angry volcano explode on Jupiter' line.

    @ golu: I KNOW. :D :D :D

    @ rajesh warrier: ... what about them?

    @ imhunt: I actually liked Mandrake a whole lot.

    @ hiren: Thank you. My material was the making of it.

    @ viv: My eyes! My eyes! Gulzar!

    @ wild reeds: *grin*

    ReplyDelete