Friday, July 15, 2005

on returning after a space of seven endless days.

And on #8, God made the Internets. Because Divinity, too, needs entertainment.

I return to the web! *plunges headlong* Here is a review of "The Master" to mark it. *beam*

The trip to Kerala had me suffer all of one power cut, but succeeded in cutting me off from the world outside the sleepy village where my grandparents live. My cellphone died of network withdrawal, but not before a wayward tractor came hurling down our road and knocked over the landline telephone pole. So my only source of media pollution has been The Hindu, which is great, if somewhat awkward and self-conscious reading, and the evening Malayalam soaps on telly. Do you have any idea how disgusting they are? No? Don't go watch them to find out. I'll tell you. They'll put you off your food, unless you like weeping, whining paragons of virginity (or, of course, scheming, sorcerous matrons of vice) for whom life is all about loving your parents - or wicked step-parents - and catching a man and keeping him caught, even if he's mad, bad and fugly as a pockmark on Satan's grandchild. Also take ten points if he turns out to be obese.

VIRTUOUS WIFE: I hate myself! I have made 4590723 babies for you and you leave me for a younger, prettier woman! Something must be wrong with me.
TOTALLY WORTHLESS HUSBAND: ... you're not trying to make me feel guilty, are you?
VW: Strange as it may seem to your superior logical mind, Mr. Man, I'm really not. Observe! No irony!
TWH: Wow, I'm beginning to be attracted to you again.
VW: But sex is bad. My evil step-mother told me that I was to deny you at all costs except under the most pressing circumstances to keep this marriage safe.
TWH: And the fact that she was evil means nothing in this context.
VW: I said, NO IRONY.
TWH: Is that the pattern I've been sensing all this while?
MOTHER-IN-LAW: I told you marrying her was going to be wrong for you! She's ruined your Oedipus complex! Also, your life.
OBLIGATORY SQUALLING CHILD: *squalls!*
VW: I get the feeling your mother's never liked me.
MOTHER-IN-LAW: *has been running a 'CHOOSE BETWEEN US' tee-shirt enterprise out of home since son's marriage*
TWH: ... I am totally getting out of here, bitches.

Ah, Mumbai. Air thick with poison smoke, slums everywhere, atomisation at its worst in evidence. A smooch is due to thee.

*puts feet up and watches NO TV. OBSERVE! NO! TV!*

item: Those frequenting Orkut know that each community view also has a 'related communities' panel: so, for example, their 'Ancient Greece' community also relates to the 'Rome' and 'Classical Poetry' communities, et cetera. Now, the rightest of right notes is struck: their 'Bono' community has two related communities. They are 'Bono' and 'Bono'. Bless the Ego.



current musix: the killers - smile like you mean it

6 comments:

  1. well Well. Looks like Tamil soaps are as bad. The evil daugher in law rides to the fore. My grandmother was so influenced by it she actually dared to call my mum that the next day. Ours is a house where my mummy lays down the law and you follow it. suffice to say, vesuvius erupting was tame compared to what transpired in my household.

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  2. aaaaaaaaaaah Blam!!!!!!!

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  3. my mother insists the Hindi megasoaps are much more progressive, but in even my limited experience words like paramparaa get thrown about a bit too often for (my) comfort.

    Nobo's shades upset me. i don't know why exactly.

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  4. Butbutbut! They are the fly shades! They are teh kewl omg!11!

    I love everything about Bono, bless him. I guess it's because I don't have to live with him. Also, I am not Irish.

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  5. and: o.O at Kaushoo's story.


    ... there are just no words.

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  6. Anonymous9:42 am

    sup
    like kaush said, wait till you get to the tamil soaps... whoa... one of the most popular ones shows this woman who is more of a sexual being than the others, as a SNAKE!!! hahahaha

    as for K's grandmom, mine didnt dare do exactly, but she would sit there with a gleam in her eyes and nod imperceptibly at all the bahu-tortures-saans scenes... believe me that was far more irritating...
    viv

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